Venus says when she tried on-line dating, she got sent so many dick picks, it was like their frankfurters would stretch from sea to shining sea—several times.
Each relished a woman with an appetite for dirt bike hotdogs
and truly wished to be the one
She felt their vulnerability but regarded their casual exhibition as impersonal
and wondered, so just what’s in these wieners?
and took a quick look
at this “paste-like and batter-like poultry product”
by forcing bones, with attached edible tissue, through a sive or similar device under high pressure.
And to her surprise
his haiku about how coots sound the same fighting as they do fucking.
by “advanced meat recovery machinery” separates the edibles from the inedibles without smashing the bone.
less than 10 percent water
and Corn syrup,
A common meat preservative
antimicrobial, capable of killing
stocks (a stockade)
(a want) ad
classifying his search for a bi-valve to tie his ball-gag
boiling water with parts of the carcass.
Found in chowder and instant hand warmers.
To help keep meat-based products pink.
He voyeurs back to back
episodes of the Gadget Girls, those money savvy tarts, showcasing
vibrating modern conveniences to fangirls who give good
Side effects, including dizziness, gastrointestinal issues, headaches and, if consumed in large quantities, kidney stones.
A filler or thickening agent.
Brewers also often use it in beer.
Uncontrollable bouts of laughter.
Resistance to his own measure
and mean streaks…
An increased risk of cancer.
Frequently found in fertilizers.
An increased shelf life…
he doesn’t want to end up like his father, a master of wood
Paid by some Hopi or Chinook to erect
a totem pole.
Irish-Catholic. Not a drop of American Indian
but at the EXPO
where his father’s booth proudly displayed his polished
mahogany Jesus bust
with a detached centerpiece of hands folded in prayer,
a Chief, no less, approached him
and praised him
for being a true visionary.
They discussed wood grain and how to coax the spirits from the rings.
His father had additionally provided a small demo of his skill at a wood block where he informatively described his blades and planes and proceeded to whittle a whistle in the shape of a dove and when he lifted his lips to blow through the hollow tail, a sweet perfect note in ‘C’ sang out the beak.
His father designed and built the alter at their church and donated his oak banisters and handrails to senior centers and nursing homes and taught how to build his benches, picnic tables and bunkbeds to a Boy Scouts of America troop.
Made his actual living on elaborate personalized coffins
King Tut woulda been so lucky to have been buried in a sarcophagus carved by his father.
He didn’t want to be like his mother who was a master glass blower.
A mistress of the crystal ball. Literally providing instruments of hocus pocus up and down the west coast.
Mostly middle-aged women sporting her witch-balls (intended to ward off and or capture dark spirits) in their whimsical tea gardens,
several shingle-hanging psychics paying top dollar for table-top oracles elevated by silver-plated tripods.
Wand knobs, divination pendulums, and ritual chalices sold like hotcakes.
However, his mother raked in the most cash for her rearview mirror car ornaments, glass chillums, and elaborate water bongs.
He says he wants to be the cocktails they serve on trains…
And the Trip Advisor requests a review which will garner points that look like stars and add up to a badge.